I should be grading.
I did some, not enough, and the papers aren’t due back until tomorrow, but I wanted to cut down on the number I’ll have to do tomorrow night.
Whatever. I found a link to this Reddit thread, “What is the most philosophical thing you have ever heard a child under the age of 5 say?” in a post by Tyler Cowen; herein are some winners:
pinkpickuptruck 2255 points 2 days ago
My little sister handed me a juice box as I was packing to move out and said “No one is really a grown up. They just act old because they have to”
whosthedoginthisscen 312 points 2 days ago
“This darn penis.” – my 4 year old nephew reacting to a tiny boner getting in the way of him practicing swimming during bathtime.
pehvbot 415 points 2 days ago
I was rock climbing and a kid and his dad walked by (it was in a publicly accessible park). The kid asked what we were doing and the dad said “Rock climbing”. The kid, his voice dripping with contempt, “Why? The father replies “For fun, you know like when you play video games”. And without missing a beat the kid says “Sometimes I lose at video games”.
JoshuaZ1 300 points 2 days ago
My little brother asked “how do we know that there aren’t any more numbers to count between 2 and 3.”
- [–]Knowledge_Is_Misery : Anything to get out of a bath.
KellyLoyGilbert 95 points 2 days ago
“You don’t know what I’m feeling inside.” A five-year-old boy to his mother as they were walking around Golden Gate Park.
stormborn_ 202 points 2 days ago
I said, E, what’s wrong? She responded “anything.” Perfectly describes that feeling.
tubabrox 155 points 2 days ago
I’ve been babysitting for a family since their oldest who is now 9 was a baby. When the littlest one was about 4 he dropped this one on me and I haven’t been able to forget it since:
“This is how the world works: people bein’ weird, then they die.”
PockyClips 19 points 2 days ago
I had a friend die in a motorcycle accident… He left behind a wife, a daughter, 4, and a son, 1. The day after a bunch of us his went to see them. We get there and his widow is a wreck, of course… She’s cleaning the house, rearranging cabinets, washing all of his clothes… Anything to keep busy. So the girls get her to relax for a bit and I took it upon myself to keep an eye on the kids. As I’m sitting on the couch, the four year old comes over to me and climbs into my lap. She’s says, “You guys are here because my Daddy died, huh?” I say, “Yes, sweetie, we are.” So we sit there a beat… I’m not a religious guy, but their family was. I didn’t know what they told her, what they wanted her to think about the whole sorry mess, so I decided just to keep my mouth shut. Then this sweet little girl looks up at me and says…
“Well, better him than me.”
And she gets up and goes back to playing. It was the most unsettling thing I had ever heard from a child… Yet she was absolutely right. Brrrrrrr…
Ericthemighty 26 points 2 days ago
I was teaching 2 years ago. I went over to the kindergarten where a friend was a teacher to get ready for lunch. I witnessed a little girl ask a boy about a bandage covering where he got stitches, doesn’t that hurt.. “Yeah, but I just don’t think about it.”
So many more.
And really, are you surprised that I picked out the snarky and the ontological?
AbsurdBeats 
http://www.humansofnewyork.com/
http://www.wnyc.org/story/new-politics-extremism/
http://www.today.com/entertainment/daily-show-interview-leads-gop-official-resigning-over-offensive-remarks-8C11463044