Drifting this way and that

17 07 2017

These days I’m floating, a bit askew, a few inches from the ground.

I can touch down when I need to—when I have to teach or work my second job—but other than that, I’m untethered from the world.

This has been going on for awhile. It’s not unpleasant, but it’s not, well, it’s not much of anything. Better than bone-crushing anxiety or quaking depression, a slow dissolve ends in sorrow, nonetheless.

I noted a coupla’ posts ago that I don’t know if I’ll remain in New York, if I can afford to stay here, but as real as the financial questions are, the really real issue is that I don’t feel really real. I’m not quite here.

Brooklyn, Chicago, if I’m not, here, I won’t be, there.

Again, not an emergency; the lack of urgency, perhaps, is part of the problem. I’m not drowning beneath, so am not fighting for air. I’m low in the air, not fighting at all.

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4 responses

18 07 2017
dmf

untethered as I’m sure you recognize is a variety of derealization, walk that alienation plane with some care my friend.and feel free to drop me a line any time.

18 07 2017
dmf

21 07 2017
absurdbeats

Nah, not giving up. Just not sure how to get moving.

21 07 2017
dmf

i hear ya, means of getting traction aren’t always at hand and all too many limits on individuals these days and it can get bloody wearing.

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