Nine days to my surgery, and I’m impatient.
It helps that I’m teaching this month; it gives me something to concentrate on besides my immediate future. And while I don’t love teaching online, it does give me the flexibility I need to deal with the surgery and recovery (and, in the fall, my radiation treatments).
Anyway, I think at first I underplayed how much this cancer would fuck around with me life, but then I think I overplayed it. I went from “this is a pain” to “this is a disaster” and now I’m, like, “I dunno”.
And I don’t. I mean, I know this is going to suck, but I have no idea how I’m going to deal with the suckage.
Consider the pandemic, and how it’s affected each of us. I’m guessing that for most of us, life has gotten harder. I’ve had some really bad days the past few months, but, mostly, I’ve managed. My life is worse than what it was, but not unbearably so.
And maybe that’s how my life will be for the rest of year: worse, but not unbearably so.
Or maybe it will be unbearable; I’ll bear it, nonetheless.
AbsurdBeats 
you’ll take it as it comes in some ways you may be better prepared then some who’ve never had to face themselves and their limits before.
do you have someone to get you home afterwards?