Her body trembles with the effort to last

1 01 2009

Emma Bee Bernstein, 23, killed herself.

I didn’t know Emma, didn’t know anything about her until Courtney Martin ran an obit for her at Feministing.

All I could think, upon reading the obit, was, Awww, Jesus.

This is how I know I’m over my own folie a deux with suicide. Before, when I heard or read that someone had killed themselves, I’d be envious. Ah, I’d think, so they managed what I could not. But this time, all I could think was, Awww, Jesus.

Twenty-three. One lifetime. She could plausibly have had three more lifetimes, but chose not to.

What do you say to someone? There’s so much to live for. . . You’re so young. . . Things’ll get better. Not necessarily. Even if you believe it, she won’t.

Would it help to say, There’s no point to life. Live anyway.?

Live anyway. Through it all, live anyway.



4 responses

2 01 2009

We do what we need to do.

I feel for people who are suicidal or who do the deed… and I feel for those who don’t. Living and dying, both hurt. Reading about Emma, I feel sorry for us that she’s gone.

2 01 2009

23… I guess I’m too selfish to commit suicide or even contemplate it. There’s too much I want to see and do. And heck, I’m a WHOLE LOT more likely to take out those who are hurting me before I hurt myself.

Poor girl. Poor family.

2 01 2009

‘Living and dying, both hurt.’ Perhaps. I don’t know what happens when we die—could be awful, wonderful, or nothing. But to be in life, and actively want out, that’s a particular kind of pain, one made all the more worse for its utter un-necessity.

I don’t want to set up any hierarchies of pain, but I don’t want to flatten out all suffering, either.

I have no solution to suicidal despair; my way out was, well, absurd. And I don’t know that an absurd despair is the antidote to a suicidal one. Still.

11 09 2011

I like the selfish track, as in, I’m selfish enough to be pissed off at the person (if I know him/her). Particularly if I held the peron in high esteem. “You’re cheating me out of you, and everything I dig about you.” Selfish. Honest though. I’d be pissed they didn’t call. I wouldn’t know what to say either, but maybe my head is screwed on better at the moment.

If I don’t know the person, I feel awful about the pain they were in. And the pain their friends/family are in now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: