Indirection, part I

13 10 2008

Indirection. It’s the only way I can approach this.  Dead on, and I veer away.

Thus. I wondered previously about sex, wondered if there weren’t more to sex than. . . sex.

Yes and no. Duh.

Okay, no more gone-away-speak. What I mean is, why would sex have to be just one thing? Why couldn’t it be about intimacy and pleasure and games and love and babies (oh yeah, forgot about them) and a way to pass some time—perhaps all at once or perhaps at different times? (And if you want to make it about God or spirituality or the cosmos, be my guest. Your sex life, really, is yours.) So Tuesday it’s about your partner and Friday it’s about the wine  and my didn’t (s)he look good and the following Sunday morning it’s about having the time and remembering why the two of you have been waking up together for as long as you have.

As mentioned previously, I was never much of a bed-hopper, so I can’t say much about one-night-stands. I get it—sometimes your body just says Gimme Gimme Gimme—but beyond that, I can only speculate. Is it that someone else finds you attractive? Sexual power? Or just about the gimme gimme gimme?

Again, I get that, but doesn’t that get old? You never have to learn about someone else, never have to vary your moves (just your partners), never have to concern yourself (if one is properly protected) with anyone or anything beyond your own skin. Perhaps that’s the point, and the pleasure, of playing. Maybe that’s not so bad, at least in the short time. You get out of a relationship, want some excitement, want to see who and what is out there, so a few quick tosses seem, well, refreshing. But over the long term, wouldn’t it just get stale?

And this is where the larger questions of sex and intimacy lay in wait: what do you want from a partner?

And this is where I’m snared, because I haven’t been with anyone long enough to ask, much less answer, that question. (Well, I guess one could ask this of short-termers as well, in which the answers are simple: Arm candy! Dancing! And lest we forget: Orgasms! Fine things, all, but, again, I’m looking for something beyond this.)

What do I want from a partner? Haven’t a clue. Well, not exactly true: some of the same things I want from friends (strong mind, good sense of humor, generosity, thoughtfulness, complexity, etc.), but something ineffably more, too. Yes, sexual attraction is part of that ineffable more, but is this all beyond words?

How to answer the question: Why be with someone rather than no one?

The Gone-Away World

13 10 2008

You haven’t read it yet?

Just, just go get the book and sit down and read it. Drink. Read.

Yes, you may guess some things (no, not that one, the older one) and be disappointed by another, but you’ll get over your disappointment and there’s more to come.

Okay, so you’ll be confused by this war and that war but don’t worry you’ll get it along the way maybe sooner than me maybe later but it all comes clear.

Guns on fireplaces in act one and yes it all follows the script but not quite the way thought but exactly so. Don’t worry if you know because the knowing doesn’t get in the way.

Drink. Read.

It starts out with a howl and you’ll be going Whaaa but that’s what the drink is for so just keep going. The wave is carrying you out and tumbling you over and you know what as soon as you stop worrying where your ass is you can say Hey, Alllll riiiiiiiight.

Funny, too. Keep reading.

Okay, so it lags in parts but that’s necessary because if it were perfect it wouldn’t be so good.

Keep reading. Keep drinking too if doing so won’t get in the way of the reading.

There are people and not-people and war and laughter and Oh, Heartbreak! in the middle-end and by the way pay attention to the clues at the beginning of the chapter but not too much attention.

Politics and plots and poignancy and yes even puppies and even when it’s familiar it’s unfamiliar enough not to be.

Stop worrying about sense because it all does make sense if you’d just let your senses go.

Allll riiiiiiight.

What are still doing reading this? This is not the book. Turn off the computer and get the book and read it.